The shit didn't stop

Remember when I wrote "this shit has got to stop"? You should, that was the last blog I wrote. Anyway, instead of slowing down, the shit got even worse. N. attempted suicide. And I know that I should be sad for her and should call her and want her to get better, but this has happened far too often. Not that she's attempted suicide often, but she's been in the hospital many times for her problems. And it's not the suicide I'm mad at. Even after that happened she wanted to be with B.! Well that did it, I wasn't silent anymore. If I hadn't talked to a friend online, if he hadn't let me bitch, I don't know what I would have done. Oh, and that should be side note.

If a friend is reading this, pay attention, because this is something that I really really need my friends to understand. If I'm upset, and I say I really need to talk, then that's what I need. I know full well that you don't know how to help me, and the truth is, I don't need you to give me advice unless I ask for it. Most of the time I just want to bitch to someone, and have someone say "sure" "yea" or "i understand". I want you to be there like you would if we were talking face to face. I just want you to listen, because it really does help.

Now there's a long side note! So there's more problems. Remember my plan to do my different projects one day a week each, with some days being personal and some days being heavy? Well if you don't, go back a few blogs, because I don't want to explain it again. Well as it turns out, two of those things, the paganism and studying for the GRE, I have to do everyday! Well that's not true. The studying for the GRE I have to do everyday. The paganism I want to do everyday because if I don't talk to the Goddess everyday, I might go crazy.

Sigh...does it ever end? I'm so tired of all this. I just hope some day I find a reason or find it in my heart to understand why N. went out with B. and did the drugs and went out with all those other guys; but right now, I just don't understand...and right now, I have to do at least some of the work I need to do everyday, or I'm never going to get anything done. Wish me luck!