This section could also be called "why I blog" and is really parts of a conversation I had with a friend. No, we did not have an argument, it was simply that I wasn't explaining myself correctly. When I first told him why I blog, I told him that basically I write my blog for approval; and that's just not true. So here, so there is no more confussion, is why I blog:
So many things in this world piss me off. It could be something someone said, someone did, or something that is going on. A lot of the time, the people I am talking about either only exist online, or are no longer my friend.
I often do not let the people I care about know how much I care about them. This is because more often then not I am spouting off my own problems, rather then listening to theirs. This isn't fair. While I know that my friends care about me and want to see me well, they have problems of their own, and may sometimes want to share them with me. So instead of replaying issues that have only slightly changed from one day to the next that make me mad, writting them on here just makes more sense.
Some of these issues make me want to pull out my hair. Others of them I just think that the world should know. If you like my stuff, great. If you don't, whatever, I don't really write these for you. But if you do like them, stick around, you might learn something
Sunday, May 28, 2006
There's no commercials for this child
I found this picture on a liberal blog site. It's an image of an Iraqi girl, who just moved in to a refuge camp after a recent bombing. I'm going to call her Amilia.If ever there was an image that to me tells the story of what the Iraq war is doing to our world, for some reason, this is it.
Years back I "adopted" a child from one of those companies that asks you to send money to a child over sees. I admit it, the pictures of children picking through garbage looking for their next meal got to me. Every month I would send this girl a little bit of money. Her family was poor and didn't have so much as healthy water for the girl to drink. Giving her money gave her the ability to eat nutritious food, go to school, and have the plumbing inside her house that she needed to help her grow.
While I sent this money it never occurred to me that my own country could cause this kind of despair. I had sent it faithfully, knowing that my country was doing something to make this little girl's life better. How naive I was.
Now it is my country's fault that girls like "Amilia" won't be able to receive the correct things to help make her life better. It is my country's fault that her house has been destroyed. I don't know who threw the bomb that caused this girls house to come down and frankly, I don't care. I still blame our country.
I want so much for our troops to come home. But at the same time, when they leave, what will this child and her family do? How will they go on? There has to be some sort of middle ground between throwing bombs and helping children. If there isn't....then I guess we're all just doomed.
There are probably a thousand Amilia's in Iraq, and many of them are probably refugees now. I will pray for her and worship for her safety every night. And I will hope that the rest of our country will too.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
A letter to those who don't have RSD
I should have had this a long time ago. It would have saved me a a lot of headaches with a few friends who shall remain nameless. Or, lets just say that when names come up in my blog site, they have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. Anyway, on with the letter!
Letter to those who don't have RSD:
Having RSD means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people don't even know a little bit about RSD and of those who think they do many are actually misinformed.
In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand...These are the things I would like you to understand about me before you judge me.
-Please understand that being in pain doesn't mean that I am not a human being. I have to spend most of my days in incredible pain and exhaustion and if you visit I probably don't seem like much fun to be with. But, it's still me inside this body. I still worry about school, my family and friends of the time I'd still like to hear you talk about yours too.
-Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been in pain for years, I can't be miserable all the time, in fact I work real hard at not being miserable. So if your talking to me and I sound happy it means I'm happy. That's it! It doesn't mean that I am not in a lot of pain, or that I am not extremely tired, or that I am getting better or any one of those things. Please don't say "oh your sounding better". I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you are welcome to.
-Please understand that being able to stand up for six minutes doesn't necessarily mean I can stand for 20 minutes or an hour. And just because I managed to stand up for ten minutes yesterday doesn't mean I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed or you can move. With this one it gets more confusing.
-Please repeat the above paragraph, substituting "sitting", "walking", "thinking", "being sociable", and so on...it applies to everything. That's what RSD does to you, it takes all of that away from you.
-Please understand that RSD is variable. It is quite possible (for me its common) that one day I'll be able to walk to the park and back while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the kitchen. Please don't attack me when I'm hurting by saying "but you did it before". If you want me to do something, then ask me if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute. If that happens please do not take it personally.
-Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. Telling me that I need a treadmill, get an exercise machine, join a gym, or try these classes may frustrate me to tears and is not correct. I am working with doctors and am doing everything I need to do. Another statement that hurts is "you just need to push yourself more, do more, exercise harder". Obviously RSD deals with your muscles, and because my muscles don't repair themselves the way yours do, this does far more damage then good and could result in recovery time of days, weeks or even months. Also RSD may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed if you were in pain for months on end)? But it's not created by depression.
-Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take pills now, I mean right now-- it can't be put off or forgotten just because I am out for the day or whatever. RSD does not forget me.
-If you want to suggest a cure to me, DON'T!!! It's not because I don't appreciate the thought and it's not that I don't want to get well. It's because I have ah almost everyone of my friends (and family) suggest a cure. At first I tried them all but they got me sicker or made no difference, not better. If there was something that worked my doctors would know about it, and so would I.
-If after reading this you still want to suggest a cure then do it, but don't expect me to rush right out and try it. I'll take what you said and discuss it with my parents and doctors.
In a way I depend on you-- people who are not in pain-- I may need you to help me with work I need to do or visit me when I am in too much pain to leave the house. In a way you're my link to the outside world.
As much as possible, I need you to understand me
Letter to those who don't have RSD:
Having RSD means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people don't even know a little bit about RSD and of those who think they do many are actually misinformed.
In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand...These are the things I would like you to understand about me before you judge me.
-Please understand that being in pain doesn't mean that I am not a human being. I have to spend most of my days in incredible pain and exhaustion and if you visit I probably don't seem like much fun to be with. But, it's still me inside this body. I still worry about school, my family and friends of the time I'd still like to hear you talk about yours too.
-Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been in pain for years, I can't be miserable all the time, in fact I work real hard at not being miserable. So if your talking to me and I sound happy it means I'm happy. That's it! It doesn't mean that I am not in a lot of pain, or that I am not extremely tired, or that I am getting better or any one of those things. Please don't say "oh your sounding better". I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you are welcome to.
-Please understand that being able to stand up for six minutes doesn't necessarily mean I can stand for 20 minutes or an hour. And just because I managed to stand up for ten minutes yesterday doesn't mean I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed or you can move. With this one it gets more confusing.
-Please repeat the above paragraph, substituting "sitting", "walking", "thinking", "being sociable", and so on...it applies to everything. That's what RSD does to you, it takes all of that away from you.
-Please understand that RSD is variable. It is quite possible (for me its common) that one day I'll be able to walk to the park and back while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the kitchen. Please don't attack me when I'm hurting by saying "but you did it before". If you want me to do something, then ask me if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute. If that happens please do not take it personally.
-Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. Telling me that I need a treadmill, get an exercise machine, join a gym, or try these classes may frustrate me to tears and is not correct. I am working with doctors and am doing everything I need to do. Another statement that hurts is "you just need to push yourself more, do more, exercise harder". Obviously RSD deals with your muscles, and because my muscles don't repair themselves the way yours do, this does far more damage then good and could result in recovery time of days, weeks or even months. Also RSD may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed if you were in pain for months on end)? But it's not created by depression.
-Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take pills now, I mean right now-- it can't be put off or forgotten just because I am out for the day or whatever. RSD does not forget me.
-If you want to suggest a cure to me, DON'T!!! It's not because I don't appreciate the thought and it's not that I don't want to get well. It's because I have ah almost everyone of my friends (and family) suggest a cure. At first I tried them all but they got me sicker or made no difference, not better. If there was something that worked my doctors would know about it, and so would I.
-If after reading this you still want to suggest a cure then do it, but don't expect me to rush right out and try it. I'll take what you said and discuss it with my parents and doctors.
In a way I depend on you-- people who are not in pain-- I may need you to help me with work I need to do or visit me when I am in too much pain to leave the house. In a way you're my link to the outside world.
As much as possible, I need you to understand me
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Wanting to be Wanted
I think everyone has the need to feel wanted. Often, a job, a significant other, and some friends fullfill that need. The problem with me, however, is that these things often come at some sort of physical price. Allow me to explain.
Because of my illness, I spend more time in my house then outside. Anything that I do needs to be carefully calculated against how bad my pain will be the next couple days, or even weeks, after I participate in that activity. Unfortunately, this often ends up in me not being able to do as much as "normal person" and thus, I'm feeling rather well.....unwanted.
I do things as often as I can, however it always seems like I'm hit with that inevitable "but". For example, a couple weeks ago I had an interview for a job. I wasn't hired. Seems that they wanted someone with more experiance then I have. My question is, how am I supposed to get experiance when the jobs that would give me experiance won't hire me becasue they want experiance? It's a maddening circle that I'm tired of.
The other but often comes when I persue someone who I want to date. It seems that my illness adds way to much "baggage". What they don't realize is that everyone has baggage. Still, they have a point. It would be hard to take care of me on days that the pain is too hard to handle.
I'm just tired of the "buts"...I would hire you but...I would go out with you but....I'm tired of hearing it. I want someone to say "You would be perfect to hire, welcome abord" or "I think your great, why don't we try this"....
I guess I just have to keep waiting and hope I don't get too many more buts...
blessed be,
artistinme82
p.s. 2,455 soldiers have died in the war in Iraq and it has cost us $283,167,470,110. It's time for this to stop, and get our troops out of their. Who's with me?!?
Because of my illness, I spend more time in my house then outside. Anything that I do needs to be carefully calculated against how bad my pain will be the next couple days, or even weeks, after I participate in that activity. Unfortunately, this often ends up in me not being able to do as much as "normal person" and thus, I'm feeling rather well.....unwanted.
I do things as often as I can, however it always seems like I'm hit with that inevitable "but". For example, a couple weeks ago I had an interview for a job. I wasn't hired. Seems that they wanted someone with more experiance then I have. My question is, how am I supposed to get experiance when the jobs that would give me experiance won't hire me becasue they want experiance? It's a maddening circle that I'm tired of.
The other but often comes when I persue someone who I want to date. It seems that my illness adds way to much "baggage". What they don't realize is that everyone has baggage. Still, they have a point. It would be hard to take care of me on days that the pain is too hard to handle.
I'm just tired of the "buts"...I would hire you but...I would go out with you but....I'm tired of hearing it. I want someone to say "You would be perfect to hire, welcome abord" or "I think your great, why don't we try this"....
I guess I just have to keep waiting and hope I don't get too many more buts...
blessed be,
artistinme82
p.s. 2,455 soldiers have died in the war in Iraq and it has cost us $283,167,470,110. It's time for this to stop, and get our troops out of their. Who's with me?!?
Monday, May 22, 2006
I have a secret...
I know that everyone has done this as a child. As least, everyone I know has done it at one point or another in their childhood. They are told a secret either from a friend or just a random piece of gossip has past them by. That child proceeds to run around play grow running around in circles yelling "I have a secret I have a secret" and when they have enough people shrouding them, they either do one of two tinge. They either say "sorry, I'm not allowed to tell you." Or they tell one person in their circleof friends and evetually it turns into the biggest scanndle that the elemtrary school has ever seen. The story gets changed over time, and before you know it, the story that was "Johnny had to go to the hospital for bronchitus turns into "johnny's very sick and he's going to die if we don't help him!
It seems inosent enough when done on the playground, but what happens when you find out a secret about something you have relied on your entiree life. Something you know that other people are counting on. Do you tell them? Do you not tell them and hope that heir situation does not end up in the same way yours ddi?
In this case I had no choice. After gettin one of the many treatments that I ge for my illness, the entire room emptied before I was able to hear the nesws. It seems that the treatment I was getting would no longer help me. Sure, they can put m on other medication, but how well that will work can only be told be time. I fel like I am a walkihg time bomb for pain, and I can't kep a grips on anything. My doctor says he is working on antother treatment, but in the meantitme I gues I'm suspposed to just wait and hope that news medician that he has given me will hold onu. Wish me luck. More to come tomoro@
blessed be
what the war has costs us today: 2,4055 deaths and 282,773, 75,867
It seems inosent enough when done on the playground, but what happens when you find out a secret about something you have relied on your entiree life. Something you know that other people are counting on. Do you tell them? Do you not tell them and hope that heir situation does not end up in the same way yours ddi?
In this case I had no choice. After gettin one of the many treatments that I ge for my illness, the entire room emptied before I was able to hear the nesws. It seems that the treatment I was getting would no longer help me. Sure, they can put m on other medication, but how well that will work can only be told be time. I fel like I am a walkihg time bomb for pain, and I can't kep a grips on anything. My doctor says he is working on antother treatment, but in the meantitme I gues I'm suspposed to just wait and hope that news medician that he has given me will hold onu. Wish me luck. More to come tomoro@
blessed be
what the war has costs us today: 2,4055 deaths and 282,773, 75,867
My introduction
As I said as my introduction to my blog site, a lot of people tell me that they are "sick and tired of hearing me complain". Personally, I feel like I have a lot to complain about. But they are half right, I don't always bring the good news along with the bad. That may be because I don't always have good news. So someone suggested blogger to me. I'm not sure if this is going to work, but I'll try it out.
Before anyone asks, no, I will not give out my real name, address, or other such personal information that would allow you to figure out where I am. Anything else, what is going on in my life, how I feel about the current political climate, and other such things that may pop into my head are fair game for me. Some of the things I will say here may piss off a few people if they see it, but then again, those people aren't really my friends anyway. So anyway, on with the introduction.
I'm a 23 years old (will be 24 in December) female with a lot of opinions. I love to do anything artistic, and have a strong passion for interior design. I would get into that as a career, if I didn't have a strong interest in all things that relates to how people are treated in this world. This often gets me in trouble, as I have been known to fight with someone over political issues. You may not agree with my liberal believe system, and you can say so in comment, but trust me, all of the things I believe in I have facts to back it up, and I'm not affraid to use them.
In my dream life I'm working for such organizations as the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) or NOW (National Organization for Women). You may be wondering why I am not on the fast track to making these my jobs. The truth is that I am on some kind of track to doing this, but that track is actually very slow.
This is because I'm disabled. I have an illness known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD for short). In short, this means I am in constant physical pain, and it usually isn't the type of pain that most are used to. It is excruciating pain. I take heavy pain killers, and have lots of diffent types of treatment that I go through. Some of these work, some of them don't. You'll hear more about them as the days, weeks, and months go by.
You may look at this blog and think "wow, this girl really does have a lot to complain about" or you may think "wow, my life is a lot worse off then this". I don't try to win any good life/bad life competitions. My life just is what it is. Really, when I talk to my friends, I simply tell them what is going on in my life that day, and often the news isn't so plesent. So that's what I plan to do here, tell you what is going on in my life. Hopefully some people will read it. And if not, I can use this as my own little place to vent.
More to come later!
Blessed be!
P.S Every day I will write down how many American soldiers have died in the war in Iraq, and how much money it is costing us. This is because I am very much against the war and people don't see enough how much it is costing us. This area I will call "what are government is costing us". So here's what they have cost us today:
2454 soldiers killed 17648 wounded 282, 553, 660, 400 dollars spent. sigh...when will we learn???
Before anyone asks, no, I will not give out my real name, address, or other such personal information that would allow you to figure out where I am. Anything else, what is going on in my life, how I feel about the current political climate, and other such things that may pop into my head are fair game for me. Some of the things I will say here may piss off a few people if they see it, but then again, those people aren't really my friends anyway. So anyway, on with the introduction.
I'm a 23 years old (will be 24 in December) female with a lot of opinions. I love to do anything artistic, and have a strong passion for interior design. I would get into that as a career, if I didn't have a strong interest in all things that relates to how people are treated in this world. This often gets me in trouble, as I have been known to fight with someone over political issues. You may not agree with my liberal believe system, and you can say so in comment, but trust me, all of the things I believe in I have facts to back it up, and I'm not affraid to use them.
In my dream life I'm working for such organizations as the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) or NOW (National Organization for Women). You may be wondering why I am not on the fast track to making these my jobs. The truth is that I am on some kind of track to doing this, but that track is actually very slow.
This is because I'm disabled. I have an illness known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD for short). In short, this means I am in constant physical pain, and it usually isn't the type of pain that most are used to. It is excruciating pain. I take heavy pain killers, and have lots of diffent types of treatment that I go through. Some of these work, some of them don't. You'll hear more about them as the days, weeks, and months go by.
You may look at this blog and think "wow, this girl really does have a lot to complain about" or you may think "wow, my life is a lot worse off then this". I don't try to win any good life/bad life competitions. My life just is what it is. Really, when I talk to my friends, I simply tell them what is going on in my life that day, and often the news isn't so plesent. So that's what I plan to do here, tell you what is going on in my life. Hopefully some people will read it. And if not, I can use this as my own little place to vent.
More to come later!
Blessed be!
P.S Every day I will write down how many American soldiers have died in the war in Iraq, and how much money it is costing us. This is because I am very much against the war and people don't see enough how much it is costing us. This area I will call "what are government is costing us". So here's what they have cost us today:
2454 soldiers killed 17648 wounded 282, 553, 660, 400 dollars spent. sigh...when will we learn???
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