There are so many things going on in my life, I'm not even sure where to begin. First, of all, I have to say that the reason that all of these things are happening is because I'm trying to really figure out what I want to do with my life and make them happen. Second, these things are happening because I like to keep myself busy, and if I don't, I get even more depressed then I already am. So lets get started on what I'm doing.

I think I will go in the order of what is most important in my life. Except that is really hard because all of these things are things that I have thought about doing for most of, if not a large part of my life. Lets start with my working on spirituality. In paganism, a person who does not know a lot but is learning is called an apprentice. usually that person works for a year and a day and then has an initiation. Since to me I am already initiated, I am simply considering my apprenticeship a time when I learn as much as I can. It can last more or less then a year and a day, and it probably will last more, since there are many books, and many, many, things to learn. Right now I am studying the elements, which in Paganism are rather complicated, so I'll try to give a very short tutorial. When a circle ceremony (sort of our kind of church) happens, we call in the spirits of each direction. Each direction is given an offering, which is something that represents and is represented by the directions. These are earth for north, wind for east, fire for south, and water for west. There are also many other things that the elements represent and are represented by. I will not go through all of them, but suffice it to say this is what I'm learning.

I'm also trying to understand the different celebrations as they come around. For example, this October 31st is considered by most of the world to be Halloween. To the Pagan world, this is All Hallows Eve or Samhein, and it is the day when the Vail that separates the living from the dead is the thinnest. This may be why many people play with weegee board. To set the record straight, most Pagans do not use the weegee board. On their altar they set things that the person who died would find pleasure in in hopes that they will come to see, taste, or smell the thing that is laid out of them. I am going to be remembering a friend of mine who just died of leukemia this past April. She was only 24. I will not talk about what I am going to set out for her or what I will say to her, because that is sacred. But trust me when I say she will be a big part of the ceremony.

The second thing I'm working on is a revamping of my organization. I am finding that many people find my web site to be a bore, and to be very much like all the other RSD web sites. What is missing from my site, and what I feel is missing from most RSD web sites, is a more human side to their posts and articles. Most of the time they do not talk about how the rest of the life, not just their pain level, is affected by their RSD. They do not talk about being in relationship and dealing with both the immediate and extended family. These web sites need to talk more about how the RSD affects and effects both the human spirit and human interaction. I need to talk about that in my website, and talk about ways to deal with it.

The next thing I am working on is I am trying to get into a masters degree program. This is one of the goals of mine that I want it so bad it hurts. Having a real working non-profit organization is another one of these goals, and now that that hurt is slowly but steadily subsiding, it is time to work on this goal. I have bought the Princeton review of the GRE, which is the test that you must take in order to get into grad school. The book recommends taking at most only 12 weeks to study but I think even if I worked on it every time I had free time between when my pain got bad and when I needed to sleep, I wouldn't be able to hit that 12 week deadline. The truth is I don't think I want to go by that deadline. I want to work hard on getting a good score on the test, and when I think I know it all and I take the practice test and do well, I will check what parts of the test I need to work on, work on them and take the test again. And after that, I may even do that one more time! The point is that I want this goal very badly, but I want to do it right and I do not want it to get in the way of my other goals. I think if I set a steady schedule, or at least work on one of my goals most of the time, I will be able to do this.

The last goal that I will talk about is one that has only come in to my heart in the last two or three years. I really do want to become a better artist and to have my pictures in a gallery. This isn't a goal that makes my heart hurt, so I think I will work on it less then the other goals, but it still a goal that is really starting to find a place in my heart, even if it is a small one.

Oh! I forgot to tell you that my biggest goal of all, finding a real job is this close to actually coming true. A guy called me and asked me to do a "technical test" (the truth is that anyone who works on a computer once a month will know how to do it). I was already done with another test, and he said so long as by background check goes through, I will have the job! Now, it is kinda a government job so there is the very slight worry that the government will find pictures of me protesting and might not want to hire me...but still I mean WOOHOO! lets celebrate where celebrations are due I mean come on! Tee hee.

Finally, I want to tell you that I know what your thinking. Your thinking that I will never get this all done, that I will retire something and never look at it again, but the truth is if I have to only work on each thing once a week for only five minutes the day that I do it, it will still be five minutes once a week that I have advanced my goal. And that is a lot more then I have done for some of those goals.

Ok, I will let you go now, sorry so long, but I wanted to get all that out their. Till next time, and Blessed Be!