I'm Terrified To Go To Bed

I don't know what I'm doing writing this. I should be in bed. But if I just keep writing in between IM's with a friend maybe I will somehow get up the courage to face going to bed.

That's right, I'm scared to go to bed. This isn't nightmares; I don't think I've ever had a nightmare besides the tripping I did after being pumped full of ketamine (yes, for all the drug-heads out there, I was in a k-hole. I think people that do it outside of a hospital where they do it to get rid of extremely painful pain is stupid. I think using most drugs is stupid. Although my jury is still out on the use of medical Maryjane). The problem is that I believe the RSD has gone into my lungs. It's either that, or one of the medications I am taking is causing me to have shortness of breath. It might be the Lyrica, which if it is it would really suck b/c the lyrica is the one thing that is actually helping.

God this is horrible. And the more I think about it the more scared I am. Think about this: I'm physically scared to go to bed. Not scared like you are kinda nervous going on to a roller coaster but you go on anyway, but the kind of fear that makes you run to your parents and ask them to take it all away.

God this sux. I just hope M. stays awake enough to talk to me until I'm at least a little bit tired. I don't know why I started writing this b/c really there's not much to say. This is about it: I'm terrified to go to bed. Bloody hell, someone help me.

Blessed be.