On Yule Traditions and The feeling of Uselessness

Some say the most horrible feeling in the world is hopelessness. I there are two most horrible feelings in the world: loneliness and uselessness. Hopelessness comes when one or both has taken over your life and you feel you have no other choice but to sucome to it. I confess I am not there yet, but trust me when I say that the feeling of uselessness, even in small doses, is not a good feeling.

For something different to do at Yule (the pagan Christmas, although in my opinion Christmas is on the wrong date: SHEPPARDS DO NOT WATCH THEIR SHEEP BY NIGHT IN WINTER! And as we all know the date of Christmas was named so that more Pagans could be converted easily, but anyway) my family and I volunteered at an old folks home. We were to hand out food and talk to the old folks, in order to help the nurses and give the residents a smile. And while my mom is right, none of us did much (the volunteer coordination at that thing was horrible!), I must admit that it would have gone even faster then it already did if I had been able to carry the trays. And while it may seem like a small thing, I very much wanted to put a smile on the resident's faces.

And I wanted to do that not only as a volunteer, but as someone who knows how it feels to not be able to get out of bed; to have someone other then yourself wipe your butt and clean your body. I so wanted to tell them that I understood, but I'm sure of the few that would understand what I was saying, I wouldn't want to make their yule any worse then it may already be. And I'm sure telling the residents of your problems isn't what a volunteer is supposed to do.

Alright, so this wouldn't be a blog of only gloom and doom, I will tell you that I had a really good first Yule. Although my family does not share my new found beliefs, they are very good about helping me do what I need and also letting me have times and places where I may worship freely. I did so last night, and I must say it was very freeing. The morning hours were spent with my family, opening presents and watching other people open theirs. My mom told us that because she does not believe in the Christian story of what Christmas is supposed to be all about (although I told her to think of it as Yule instead) she did not want to give us as many presents this year. I told her that I truly believe that it is not the quantity of the gift but the quality, and it is not how much you spend on a present but what you meant by giving it. And I must say that because my sister's and I now have our own money and are able to give each other presents that it seemed we had just as much presents as before, not that it would have mattered anyway. And to my happiness all of my family members who got home made gifts (although giving homemade gifts may be the more frugal way to go, they were made with love they were also made to last and made for each person to get much joy out of them) were very happy with them. So despite my sadness at our little volunteering adventure, and a small tift with my mom, Yule went very well. And may I please say: Merry Yule to all, and to all a good night!

Blessed be!