Step number 5 of 564

Boy, I don't think I've ever gone this long with out writing an entry! This isn't because things haven't been going on in my life, or because I haven't had time to write on here...it's just because...well...really I don't have an excuse.

So what's going on in my life? Well first, there's the process of trying to get a job. I titled this entry the way I did because that's the way I am feeling about trying to get this job. I will be working with the IRS, and because that's part of the government, I have to jump through like a million hoops just to be considered for the job. What have I done so far? Well I filled out the application just to be a part of OVR (office of vocational rehabilitation), told the job I was interested, got in contact with them, received the background check, filled it out, told the company I filled it out, went over it with them, and finally sent the package in.

Whew! Seems like after all that, they would be begging me to take the job, but noooo...now I have to wait up to FORTY FIVE DAYS before the government can make sure my background check comes out perfect. Then I have to get all of the necessary equipment (including a headset phone since I will be working with both the computer and the phone at the same time doing customer service), take training, and finally be approved. Then and only then will I be allowed to take the job.

You'd think that after all that, I'd be guaranteed to keep the job. But again, nooo...if I don't work enough hours (15-20) a week the job could still fire me. Or if I make too much money ($860 a month) I won't be able to apply for social security. While at first this might seem like it makes sense, since I'll have a job, I won't need to have social security, but have you ever done the math as to how much money $860 is a year? It's only about $10,000! Who in today's world really lives off that? And I know I won't be able to work more then the required 15-20, if that, so I won't be able to make much more then $860 a month anyway...

God I hope this all works out...it would be really nice to have my own job, to be making my own money so I don't have to ask to borrow it all the time. Mom says if the job doesn't work out her and my dad might pay me a certain amount of money a month that would be mine to keep. It's a good idea, but it's still very close to asking them for money every month, and that's always degrading.

What else is going on? I continue to work at being a better Pagan. There are many things that are still standing in my way of relaxing to the point that I would be able to make good magic happen. The biggest of these things is my lack of self esteem. And talk about steps. Do you know how hard it is to build back up a self esteem if you lost it many many years ago?

One other thing I trying to learn how to do is be a good artist, in all the ways that I am one right now. That includes working with fabric, painting, drawing, and my interest in interior design. I found a web site called Nekobox that will give you a tutorial on how to draw people really well. If you go to www.goodsearch.com and type in "Fighting "4" Us" in the "I'm supporting" box and press verify and then search for Nekobox you will be giving a penny to Fighting "4" Us without opening your wallet! (tee hee, I needed to put in a little plug there lol).

Speaking of Fighting "4" Us, we need money, desperately. Did anyone out there know that a web designer cost so much money? I didn't, and even the person I have now is drastically reducing her price (she's only charging me 50 dollars a month where she and other places usually charge 70 for up keep), I still need a way to pay her! Grrr!

Wow, I think this is the longest blog yet! If you read this, then you really do care about me! That, or you are like me and have nothing else to do at four-twenty in the morning :). I'll sign off for now, so you don't need to read anymore! Blessed be!