Sleeping Blues

You may or may not have noticed that I write a lot of these at night. Basically, that's because the RSD manages to take sleep away from everyone that has it. And I mean everyone. The fact is, I sleep when my body actually feels like doing it. I don't think that I should have to follow a set schedule, basically because there's really no where I have to be. I get things done on my own terms, and work basically by myself. So who's there to answer to but me?

The problem is, a lot of the times I feel like I'm also answering to the RSD. I would like to get my eight ours or more a night, but for some reason, RSD just doesn't want me to do that. But when I don't get sleep, the pain gets worse. This is because when you are in REM (rapid eye movement for those of you who don't know what it is) your body repairs itself. The RSD doesn't allow you to go into REM, causing more pain, which causes less sleep...you get the idea.

My dad tried to give me the "well, I'll let you sleep for an hour, and then I'll get you up so you can sleep tonight. I want to continue talking about sleep, but I have to veer off to the right for a second. I'm so tired of my dad trying to a) do things for me that I don't need him to do (like when I was going to get ahold of OVR [oh, I finally remembered! That stand for Office of Vocational Rehabilitation!] he asked my mom to use the computer so that he could look it up. It's like, why even bother. Sometimes he does it this way, and other times he acts like I've never lived on my own, and that I have to "learn" to do things like make my own food. I don't know how many times I've had to remind him that I have lived alone before! and b) trying to constantly give me rules like I was still in school. I still his daughter, yes, and I get that he worries about me. But getting me up today when I was exhausted, wasn't going to work, and this wasn't the first time he did it.

Sigh...but there is a down side to not sleeping when everyone else does. You don't get to see a lot of people. Still, I have tried to sleep at night, and laying in bed for hours just to have to sleep later doesn't cut it either.

So I guess I am just going to have to sleep when I can. Grr...sometimes I right these things thinking they are going to help me figure them out. And while sometimes they do help, other times, it either makes it worse, or doesn't help at all and I'm right back where I started at the beginning of this entry. That's where I am now.

I think I'll go and at least attempt to sleep. Then maybe I'll actually see people...